Tonight has been a perfect case of what is wrong with me. This is what happened:
I was at scouts (yes, I go to scouts) and I noticed that it was about the time that we usually close up for the night. I pointed it out to the leader (as I had a hell of a lot of homework to do and not much time to do it in). He ignored me and everyone carried on with the planning meeting. The minutes ticked on and I just got angrier and angrier. The problem is that I don't really vocalize when I am angry, but I start shuddering and twitching and occasionally whimpering with the larger twitches that I sometimes have. This usually goes ignored by everyone around me, short of the occasional "Are you alright Connor?" to which I usually, wrongly, reply "Yeah...". This went on for a good half an hour after the usual closing time.
With me, there are 3 stages to my anger:
-the -..- stage
-the shuddering and twitching stage
-the silence stage
Tonight I reached the 3rd stage. When I do, I just fall silent. I stop shuddering, I stop twitching, I start to move slowly and deliberately, only doing what I need to do. While all of this is happening, my mind is in a state of complete rage. I just want to smash something/someone, but my body won't permit me to. About half an hour into it, I get a HUGE headache which usually carries on to the next day.
This leads me to my question; how can I stop this? I know that it is not healthy to keep my anger bottled up, but I don't want to just go into an all-caps-rage every time I get angry.